In Search of Happiness

I've long believed that happiness is the most important driver of my health and wellness. I've witnessed this in myself, my family and friends and with the many teams I have worked with in my career as a coach. Happy teams and happy people perform way better than unhappy teams, so its worth investing in developing happiness.

I think happiness is something worth striving for but first lets differentiate happiness from pleasure. 

The Seven Key Differences: 

1. Pleasure is short-lived; happiness is long-lived.
2. Pleasure is visceral; happiness is ethereal.
3. Pleasure is taking; happiness is giving.
4. Pleasure can be achieved with substances; happiness cannot be achieved with substances.
5. Pleasure is experienced alone; happiness is experienced in social groups.
6. The extremes of pleasure all lead to addiction, whether they be substances or behaviors. Yet there’s no such thing as being addicted to too much happiness.
7. Finally and most importantly, pleasure is tied to dopamine (the pleasure biochemical/neurotransmitter), and happiness is tied to serotonin (the happiness biochemical/neurotransmitter).

-- Dr. Robert Lustig

Thinking long and hard as to what makes me feel happy, I have concluded that the following don't just give me short lived pleasure, rather they give me long term happiness.

• Practice Mindfulness - I got into mindfulness when my wife died, at a time of great sadness this was a lifeline. Learning self compassion, relaxation/ stress relief techniques, resilience and learning to live my life in the moment. Learning to be grateful for all the good things I still had in my life was a building block to finding happiness again. You can't just learn mindfulness, you have to live it, which means practice - practice - practice!

• Keep Fit and Healthy - Keeping moving through walking and other sports has kept me healthy, maintained my energy levels and it releases a lot of happy hormones into my body. Eating sensibly but enjoy a variety of recipies using good tasty ingredients. 

• Create Supportive Relationships- relationships are such an important part of happiness and need to be invested in, perhaps giving more than you receive, but not questioning the inbalance. For me a priceless gift is having a special love partner, and a group of family and non-family who will care for me, love me, who will challenge me and be there for me when I most need their support. People who will give, not just take and who I will willingly provide whatever support they may need ... unconditionally. A special mention must be made for having a pet, my lovely German Shepherd Dog Thandi and the unconditional love she gives me has contributed massively to my happiness.

• Enjoy Life - being able to, regardless of my circumstance, laugh, enjoy food and drink, travel, go to cinema and theatre. Enjoy tv and stay connected with the world. I remember when we lived in Cape Town, with two kids and not a lot of meney coming in via my job as an unqualified articled clerk. Somehow we always found a little money for a date night wine and food treat or once a month (or longer) head to the Harbour Cafe for a grilled crayfish (a lot more affordable then).

• Make a Difference - maybe randon acts of kindness, helping others with their problems. Helping people to develop and grow into better people. This is such a powerful force that makes everyone involved feel much happier. As a coach and trainer I have been blessed with being given a chance to help others reach their full potential.

• Develop a Growth Mindset - I think the Mindset is a wonderful way to appropach all of life. Grow your life by developing a sense of purpose, embrace your imperfections, building on failure, but always believe no matter what challenges are put in your path, that you can bouce back and learn. 

This is my model for happiness, because when I have good friends in my life, when I’m active and fit, when I meditate each day minimising my stress level, when I look at problems and just see opportunities to grow, and when I enjoy my life to the full and in what I do I look to add value to the lives of others. When that is all in place I feel very fulfilled and very happy.

I'm sure these six drivers, perhaps with a few modifications, apply to just about everyone. What I am going to set out to do is find Apps and Tips that could help people find their happiness, because we could all do with a little bit of help from time to time.